Love is a such an amazing thing, exactly like everyone say. Believe them.

Photo by myself.

_ Hey, what are you doing here, alone?
_ It’s cold outside…
_ Hey, the things aren’t ok, are they?
_ Hnm, they could be better. Have you ever thought that you lost someone without even try to be with her?
_ I’ve always been afraid of this, so I always let him know my feelings. Unless is that situations there I know the guy is a jerk and misunderstand. Always try it. Always let she knows that you like her.
_ Even if she had a boyfriend?
_ It depends. Is she your friend?
_ I don’t know, I think she is.
_ So, what are you afraid of? You already have the negative answer.

He stopped to drink something, looked at her eyes and said:

_ What if I’m talking about you?
_ Me?!
_ Yeap. What if I love you since the first time I saw you?
_ Awwn, thanks dear!

She smiled sweetly, and he waited, looking at her.

_ Now you’ll kick me off.

She smiled gently and like someone who will apologize.

_ Look, I’m happy nowadays, I found someone who is perfect for me. It is like that song, “I don’t wanna fall in love”: “I know that you is the right girl, but do you think that I am the right man?”. I’m not the right girl for you. But you’ll find someone right. You’ll see.
_ But, why not you? You’re so nice, funny, smart. Why can’t I be by your side, why don’t I deserve it?
_ ‘Cause we are more different than you think. ‘Cause I’ll make you suffer just being myself. It’ll not work, I know myself.

He looked at the ground. Sigh. She put her hand on his shoulder.

_ I know that’s a hard part in your life. But never forget that you’re a person. You’re a such good guitar player but you should trust yourself a little bit more. You’re more than this. I know, you know. You’ll find someone who deserves you, ok?

He looked at her and smiled, sadly. She smiled back and walked away, ’cause her boyfriend was waiting.

The guitar player will find himself soon. So, someone will be able to love him as he is.

Well, I hope it so.

…NOT.

Photo by myself.

It will be a comix in the magic hands of Lais Ravache. Someday. Revision by Lucas Dantas. (of course you can correct if anything that sounds strange heheh)

Thanks for someone who doesn’t exisist; my free time in the new job; the “Chuva contra o Vento” comix; Soko song “I’ll Kill Her”.

—-

So the first happy-hour of the new job comes on friday, and i must-to-went. Know people and make new friends and friends of friends, know people and have some fun.

I ask my friend Heron to come too, but he can’t, ’cause his job, so ok, I’ll know everyone by myself and fine.

One, two, tree glasses of bear after i’m already sociable and funny, and started to talk to aaaaanyone who talks with me.

I don’t know why or when that guy started to talk with me, but i was answering him questions and laughting a lot and everything was ok. I don’t remember, I swear, but (I don’t know why) i give my phone number to him.

And, the day after, he called me. I even remembered his name, but ok, “let’s have a coffee?” “ok, sounds nice” and i went and laught a lot again and the guy looked so sweet…

“so, of course, you were supposed to call me tonight
you were supposed to call me tonight
we would have gone to the cinema
and, after, to the restaurant, the one you like in your street

we would have slept together, have a nice breakfast together
and then a walk in a park together, how beautiful is there!
you would have said “i love you” in the cutest place on earth
where some lullabies are dancing with the fairies

i would have met your friends, we would have had a drink or two
they would have liked me, ’cause sometimes i’m funny
i would have met your dad, i would have met your mum
she would have said “please, can you make some beautiful babies?”

so we would have had a boy called tom and a girl called susan, born in japan

i saw it was a love story, but you don’t want to get involved
i saw it was a love story, but you’re not ready for that …

me neither.”

Just listening Soko, sorry. So, we talked a lot and have lunch the days after and call each other sometimes, and… Ok, we get together once or twice, something like that.

So, someday, we went to a balad, and was raining a loooot when we come out, and i said “I’m so drunk, can we stop to eat before we go?” and he hugged me and said “of course. where you wanna go?”
“I wanna eat some hamburger. McDonnalds, Habbibs, anything fat like that”.

“I can’t drive to those places. It’s raining a lot, I’m afraid to not see anything. But – look, there’s a hotel. We can come in, have a dinner and go out. Don’t do anything. I swear”
“You don’t even wanna me, what are you talking about? It’s a good idea, anyway”.

We come in, and everything was soooo beatiful, and we ask for food and I eat while he was taking a shower – “I’m so tired, you care if i take a shower?” “Of course not”. After, I took a shower ’cause I was so tired too and we laied down in the bed for a while. We started to talk about the life, the universe and anything else. We stoped to talk when i said “42″ and fall asleep.

I woke up hours or minutes later, he hugging me, lovelly. I accept and hugged him back. And i don’t know what happened after. But i let it happen and was amazing and so nice and i felt loved. Woow, i felt loved.

We really woke up hours later, with the phone, “you have to get out”, and he kissed and hugged me. I dressed up, don’t understending anything, with a fuckin headache, but so happy…

…

…

A week passed. I tried to forgot. So i went have lunch with my co-workers and he came to talk with me.

“Hey”
“Hey. How are ya?”
“I’m fine. You never ask my phonecalls. Why?”
“‘Cause you never call me.”
“I called you a lot of times!”
“I didn’t recieved anything. Look”. And i show him my cellphone recived calls.
“I… I can’t believe it… I called you, look.” And i saw him cellphone. And the number was wrong. “This is not possible! I never change this number… So strange…”
“So, anyone changed. ‘Cause it isn’t my number”.
“I’m sorry, for that… Hey! Why you didn’t call me?”
“Why i supposed to call?”
“I though that we had a romance or something…”
“I though that we had sex.”
“Yep, we had and was amazing and I’m looking for you all the whole week and…”
“Call me later, so. we can have a coffee or something. I gotta go”.

I turn my back and recived a SMS “Coffe, 15h?”. I looked back and he smilled “Only a test ” and i smilled back and said yes.

Image: http://newresolution.tumblr.com/post/54093836/because-in-my-case-i-miss-the-opportunity-to-know

I was thinking about nothing.

Ok, I was thinking ’bout the universe. The stars. Another lifes, another planets, cultures. How to live in a space ship could be hard and dangerous. And fantastic, at all.

“So she turn to the left and slept.

He didn’t understend. Put the hand in her shoulder, trying to give her some comnfort, but she only ignored and still crying and cryed until sleep.

She woke up in the middle of the night. Realized where she was. Wished that the past never ever happened, and forced herself to sleep again.

The day comes. He put the hand above her shoulder, she ignored like sleep. He woke up and bring the breakfast. With love, caress her and said – Come, have a breackfast with me.

She opened her eyes wishing that was a remote dream, but it isn’t: they, that would EVER be togheter, was there, having breackfast.

And everything that she will have to do for a long time will be forget.”

See? That’s why those things never happen.

(ok, I confess, I did it in portuguese and translated to english. So doesn’t make any sense. I don’t care, I’ll read someday and it looks cute.)

Sure, everything gets better, of course, and i love it.

But I don’t know what to do with this “empty”. It’s like i don’t belong anywhere. I don’t care this much, but… i miss this conmfort.

So, everything happens at the same time, i’m going crazy, and my cellphone bill comes. 

I changed my type of contract: before, i spend R$35/month, but wasn’t enought. So, i changed to R$40/month, but the prices are lower than before. Well, i thought “It’s more expansive, so it’s ok, i’ll not pay a fine.”

I was wrong. When the bill comes, i was expecting about R$40 but it comes R$600.  I even sleept those night. I don’t have so much bills by month, but I was not expecting this value. I had some money saved, but it was for a vacation trip.

Well, the only thing that i could do is… to work. And i’m working a lot. I ask for my overtime and i tell everyone that i’m doing freelances.

At the same day I got a goooooood freelance, that will solve the problem! I’m so lucky! 

The thing is: to solve money problems is the easiest thing of life. Well, of MY life, for the time being.

-

About everything else: i feel better.

A week ago I wrote:

“I had no more worries about relationship. I wake up knowing that I have a boyfriend. Is always strange to share your life with someone else (unless in twitter ).

I was afraid of us, all the time. He was my best friend’s boyfriend in the high school times. He’s a strange. I don’t even like him this much.

But i like him a lot. And, somehow, he’s here.”

So I broke up.

‘Cause the “I don’ t even like him this much” part. I felt that I was lying for him and for myself. So, I broke up.

And I have to confess that my life is driving me crazy, I don’t have time even to buy dog food for Snoopy, I worked 14 hours on Thursday and almost 22h from the Friday to Saturday. I am so fucking tired and I reeeeally need to drink a beer. This week, maybe.

I’m confused yet. Not about my decision, i already did and i don’t wanna go back. But about myself. I feel like a 12 years old girl but now i know that i’m just a child.

When you fix something, you should feel better, right?